Wednesday, September 10, 2014

In which we discuss not giving up...

So it's been quite some time since I've posted anything. There are various reasons behind that. The shorter version is that it is no secret that I once had big dreams of being an "industry professional". For a while I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up and I thought I had a pretty good idea of how to get there. I also was fortunate to have a really good start, working with people that I considered super heroes.

Then whether we want to blame the economy, complacency at my current job, trouble in the industry, my own self-defeating underachieving, I hit a road block that I still haven't quite recovered from. That road block was sending out resumes and either never hearing back or getting a prompt, form letter "thanks but no thanks, come back when you've done something big". The last straw was when I applied for a position that I thought I could do, in fact KNEW I could do. It seemed like the clouds had parted and things were looking really good. I had a contact at the place I was going to (who had asked me to apply), I had met someone else that reviewed the work I was sending and happened to have other contacts, and the position that I wasn't sure I could be considered for even opened up a junior version that seemed totally attainable at my current "experience level". Everything was going so great.

Then I got a short email, directly from someone in human resources that basically only said, "We don't have any openings for your current skill level".

I was deflated to say the least. For a long while I couldn't even bring myself to doodle. I told some of the people who I admired and who encouraged me most that maybe I just wasn't good enough and maybe I should just quit trying, especially when it seemed like I had so much help in my attempt to get this last job.

A few months ago I rolled over and asked myself what I was doing. It's a funny thing, waking up. I felt like I had been fighting a car engine to start and all of the sudden it came on again and I told myself... if you have to show them what you can do, do it. It sounds stupid, because I knew that was what I had to do, but I had just gotten so bogged down in thinking I wasn't good enough that I wasn't trying anymore. I'm not sure I have the words to describe the amount of kicking yourself that starts to happen when you begin doing what you know you should have been doing for years.

Once I mustered up a little determination, I contacted some people I know who are in the same shaky boat as me. Big dreams, little job experience, and it's taking some time to properly get started but I've basically begun the foray into making my own content. Who knows what will come of this, but I've got a solid idea and I've been doing some legwork. I'm asking questions and telling myself to not feel stupid, inept, or bad, because I'm just starting out. I'm only just realizing that I'm making myself manager, writer, art-director... and have very little idea what I'm doing. So far I feel like I've got the ground work in place and there's nothing left to do but do it and hope for the best.

Not that I have a whole bunch of followers but here's to hoping this goes well and I will be posting a link to a kickstarter or something of that nature in the coming months. Also more drawings, though I've had to take down the ones related to my project. Hopefully I can post something about it soon. I'm excited.

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